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Low Self Esteem Demons

Are you visited by a low self esteem demon?

If you could draw a picture of what your low self esteem demon looks like, how would it look?  I invite you to take out a piece of paper and think about the image of this demon then get out the crayons and choose your least  favorite colors and draw a picture of it.

Next to your demon image draw an even larger thought balloon, or a call out like a cartoon and  inside it write all the things your demon is saying about you.  Would your low self esteem demon say things like:

Original Art by Brian Gagnon

I will never have the position I want
I always mess up my life
Why try, no matter how hard I try something happens to thwart me
They have, she has, he has more of what it takes to have a perfect life OR I am so stupid, I am lazy, I am fat, I am unworthy…and your demon may go on and on like that.

Next, read  what you wrote in your thought balloon and hear the tone?  Does the voice sound familiar?  Your low self esteem demons reside in the closet of your mind where they are constantly lurking  and seeking proof and evidence to back up their lowly and sad story.  Your demon actually creates and even attracts unfavorable circumstances and provides the evidence that they belong living in the closet of your mind.

Your demon thrives on the attitudes and the self talk that says  “I told you so and see what I mean?  I knew that’s what would happen because I’m not worthy of  better”.  The language of your low self esteem demon continues to thrive partly due to basing its assessment on the past or the future.  It lives in a boxed up environment of distrust.  It questions all of your decisions and most times negates the one you’ve already made.  By negating your decisions the demon can take you back to the past (regret) or spiral you into the future (worry or fear).  Most of all, your demon feeds on dislike and the inability for you to love yourself.  Living in the present is a threat to your low self esteem demon, because to be living in the present moment it would no longer have a voice.  In the present you are whole, perfect and complete and that would be life threatening to your demon’s cause.  Make no mistake it’s mission is to keep you in misery and a victim of circumstance.  For a more clinical definition of Self Esteem visit this link  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

Shiny and Perfect You

You see, when you were born you arrived here with no lowly thoughts in your possession.  You arrived as a beautiful bouncing pink and pure human being who then  turned into shiny eyed cherub toddler who joyfully laughed and giggled and freely gave love and received it.  In fact as a baby and then as a toddler you were your number one fan and an expert in the self love category.  When you wanted attention you would get it, when you were hungry you said so, when you needed to understand the world better you were not hesitant to ask “why” and you did that a whole lot.

As you grow into your elementary school years, well meaning adults, teachers and not so well meaning siblings, friends and your culture /society began to compare you to others.  Because of that environment you got the idea pretty quickly that is how you are supposed to think about yourself; in constant comparison of yourself  to everyone else. Some other examples that gave birth to your demon  may be a feeling of lack of love and attention from family.  Or socially, you might have been left out when classmates were choosing  team mates and they didn’t choose you. Possibly you were  ignored, not heard or acknowledged as a child and learned that the only attention you could get was  negative attention.  There are a variety of scenarios of how you may have interpreted those events which shaped your self esteem and how you see your abilities and strengths.  Those emotions formed certain thoughts  based on how others treated you as a child and those thoughts turned into beliefs and the low self esteem demon took residence within your mind.

As adults we love to receive compliments and pats on the back from other people, while it is great and feels good for others to notice us whether our self  esteem is low or high ..  but when we lack self love, those compliments are short lived because the low self-esteem demon still camps in our mental closet.  In fact we can even be distrustful that the compliments are sincere or  true, because we can’t love ourselves enough to know that they are true.  The demon lies in wait for the first chance to pounce on the one comment or experience that feeds its need for validation with talk like this: “see I knew it wouldn’t work out, I never will have what I deserve, I don’t deserve someone that nice, why would this person love me , what if my work, friends, family and loved ones find out I’m a fraud”?

Good News! You Can Send the Demon Packing

If you learned how to love yourself from other people who may not have fully loved themselves, then everything you think about yourself is essentially manufactured by others..and you bought into it, hook, line and sinker.  What we have forgotten is, before all that  intervention by other people, we did love ourselves.  To regain a healthy level of self esteem it’s just a matter of remembering how it  feels to love yourself.  Loving yourself is who you were meant to be.  It takes about the same amount of energy to berate yourself  as it does to look at your most wonderful qualities.  The really great thing about this is you get to choose  how you spend your time and which thoughts you choose to give your energy to.

Begin to restore your self esteem by realizing your self esteem didn’t become low over night. It takes a willingness and a level of consciousness along with perseverance to restore self love.

1) Pay attention or become aware that your demon is speaking anytime it puts you down

2) Call your negative self- talking demon out!  Ask it questions such as: Is this thought from the future or from the past?  What would happen if I had a choice about this thought?  What would I choose?  Ask your demon open ended questions– because the answer is in the question.

3) Get reacquainted with the lovely you.  Draw a new picture this time of your whole, perfect, loving and complete YOU, the you that is sparkling, shiny and new.  Draw the call out or thought balloon again next to YOU.  What would this new shiny you say about you?  Be as specific as possible with words such as ” wow I’m smart, attractive and unique. I am joyful and curious and love all the wonderful attributes that I have to offer myself and to others.  I am inventive, creative and productive, I love my body, my  hair,my skin, my freckles”, use what ever the words that best describe the shiny you.  Then read them daily and place “I am”  in front of each one.  Notice your new fresh energy.  While you are busy loving yourself  you create less space for your low self esteem demon in which to take residence.

I assist people in creating a life of  empowerment and to become less of a victim of  circumstance.  If you or someone you know may benefit from coaching for low self esteem or other limiting self beliefs contact me here  http://freedomlifecoachingcompany.com/contact/

© 2010 Freedom Life Coaching Company

3 Responses to Low Self Esteem Demons

  • Vaughan says:

    Hi Sue, really neat post – I got a lot out of it thanks. A technique from Psychosynthesis that aligns with your technique of starting a dialogue with the demon (or sub-personality)is to ask the demon what his/her need is.

    Keep up the great posts 😉
    Vaughan

  • suebirkam says:

    Vaughan thanks for the input. Can you say more about Psychosynthesis? I’m really interested in learning more about your reference. Yes, I agree questioning the need is vital.

    Sue

  • Latifa says:

    I just want to thank you for this piece. I have been battling low self esteem since i can remember. I was raped around the age of 5 and have lived with negative thoughts since I can remember. Many times I can feel something filling my mind with such negative thoughts that it almost trapped and over took me, but with faith and love for my family I was able to overcome it. This helps, especially putting a face to it and differentiating thoughts.
    I appreciate it very much.
    Gob Bless.

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