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Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you, or is it?

I wanted to share some wisdom and a life lesson that I have learned to apply.  Through self development along with the beautiful journey of becoming a coach, helped me see clearly that I no longer need to take things personally.

I would need a novel length blog to share the number of times I drank other people’s poison and took things personally.  I’m talking about the times, when a family member, a co-worker, a friend or significant other may have said or done something to you that you have taken personally, or in other words, have held on to.

When you react to other people’s words, gossip, unloving comments about your looks, or who you are as a person, the tendency is to give those words and actions the power to continue to live. What you cannot own, cannot hurt you.

Why do you think you take such offense when you are thrown these verbal attacks?

This will be one of the toughest lessons to learn, and as I mentioned earlier I have had plenty of reason to learn this in my lifetime.  Being deeply wounded by people’s unloving thoughts or actions toward you, only builds resentment toward the person who spoke them.  What it also does is diminish you, as you gripe, stomp, repeat the story to whomever will listen, or in short you could say you are drinking in the poison.

pepaw-034The vial of poison then turns into a gallon, a river or an ocean.  Yet in a really insane way we react this way to seek allies.  When we keep the story going we are actually looking for someone to disprove those unkind words or deeds.  When in reality we already know what the answer is.

If you would take some time to examine how you hold on to the unkind words of another, and notice how you rehash the whole injustice to your self and family or friends, you might notice its likened to a swirling whirlpool.  You keep the poison, then transfer the poison or in some cases react by spreading revengeful poison of our own, projecting and protecting yourself, from what?

When we take things personally what’s really going on is our incessant need to feed our ego.  Yes, the ego serves you negatively.  In fact the ego is at the root of both the person who slung the harmful words at you, as well as at the root of taking it personally, your victimization.

Holding on to those thoughts and words is not in your best interest.  When you do, you allow your ego to survive as well as the ego of the verbal perpetrator, its a no win situation.  The ego does not have either of your best interests at heart.

If you can shift your thinking in these terms; the person trying to harm you with words is not being who they truly are but are acting from their ego. If you can grasp this, you’ll have a better time understanding.  By reacting to their ego (their remarks, gossip, unkind deeds) you feed their ego and yours.

How do you counteract hurtful words and actions of others?

How do you deprive your ego from its ultimate goal, survival?

Forgiveness, love and compassion are the key components to overcome the ego.  Two oppositional feelings cannot coexist.  You either are in ego or you are in a state of love and compassion.  Which state would you prefer to be?

For starters, your defense against reacting would be no counter response of any kind.  Keep in mind the verbal perpetrator is the one in pain and the one who is unhappy.  I doubt in any other circumstance that if you saw someone in pain, you would make their pain worse by adding to it.

You have a choice, you can either allow the words and deeds of another person’s ego to poison you and you can keep the poison circulating by retelling it and retaliating.  Or you can respond with understanding that the person is acting out of threat, pain or their ego.  All unloving comments, including gossip or rumors stem from the ego.

Once you’ve forgiven the gossiper or mudslinger, the next step is to lovingly and compassionately understand that anything coming from ego is based on past circumstances of their lives.  The way you respond to the negative situation is also based on past circumstances in your life.

Experiment is the greatest teacher.  Give it a try! Stop feeding your own ego and you will stop contributing to their ego by repeating and retaliating.  Don’t drink the poison> then see what happens.

I would love your comments and feedback and the outcome you may have experienced in putting this new technique to work for yourself.  You can leave your remarks in the comment area below this post.

Freedom Life Coaching assists individuals in discover of self limiting belief’s and behaviors so you may live with clarity and purpose.

I currently have an opening for a new learner who would like to live their life to their fullest potential.

Visit my contact page at www.freedomlifecoachingcompany.com or send a private Email to sbirkam@gmail.com or Sue@freedomlifecoachingcompany.com

Until next time…

2 Responses to Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you, or is it?

  • Excellent work, Sue. Drinketh not the poison of others. ;]

  • Mischelle Watkins says:

    Great job, Sue! I was just looking for this type of EXACT thing today to help me understand an especially vicious remark from someone who doesn’t even know me but chose to attack me personally, instead of the issue we were discussing. I’ve been ignoring it, but it festered and bugged me – Not anymore – THANKS!!!! 😉 You are my HERO!!

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